Why so ANGRY?

You know I have to be honest with myself and admit that I have something like and anger issue. I've noticed this in myself increasingly so within the past year and half or so since making a few career changes. I mean little things that normally would not bother me at all are now almost pushing me over the edge. I have the ability to admit this because it’s something that I have to deal with and change. I think that on some level I am not as happy as I used to be. I know where this stems from and I'm trying to change that situation but it’s always easier said than done. Every day I am more and more affected by things that are so insignificant that after the fact I think about it and think what the hell is wrong with me! I don't for a second blame anyone for my harsh feelings it just is what it is. At some point I thought …what do I really have to be so unhappy about? And after pondering this, I realize that that I am and have been very fortunate in my life and that for a lack of words "need to man up" and just get over it. This is just the beginning of my life and I don’t want to continue on with these feelings. So I have decided to change… look for a new Britney coming to a place near you!

Me time

Today feels disappointing and as dark as the skies appear right now. I want to feel like I am doing something valuable with my life and feel literallylike I am affecting some one in a positive manner. I know that this sounds rather cliché but I do feel that there is a void in my life some where and to be honest I guess that I am looking for the right thing to fill it. I want to be motivated and inspired by a greater power, by a forceful being. I want to be moved to tears because things make me overwhelmingly happy. I want unrealistic things, things that I see in the movies and on television. I am venturing onto something new that I have never done before, and have never been exposed to before and I am feeling some kind of way. I think that I feel kind of nervous and very excited all at the same time and I don’t know how it will all work out in the end, but I tihnk this may be something big for me. I maybe feel that I need these things because I haven’t really had the healthiest of years this year and I just want to make sure that my life is worthy of mentioning when Im gone from this earth.

Honestly

I have never been the best at saying exactly how I feel about anything at all fro one reason or another. I mean don’t get me wrong Im not on that Miss Independent trip nor have am I severely damaged from past relationships. It’s just the way that I am period. I am so able to say what I feel and think when I am doing what I do best… writing. I do understand that at some point this is something to grow out of but I can admit my flaws and I am trying to get a handle on them. I would love to be able to take the words from paper and muster up enough courage to actually speak them. There is so much power in the spoken word that I always want to get it right and I put too much thought into it that it doesn’t always from that way that I think about it in my head. I also have a funny sense of humor that can at times be viewed as sarcastic and off putting, or down right not caring but this is not nor has it ever been the case. I just like simple things and simple people and good wine! So I take everything in stride and treat people as if they would do the same to me. Don’t take it personal its just that I am flawed and so are you.